becoming the social butterfly and master of change
A holiday weekend, and I was actually social...My Allie girl is still in Canada. I am leaving Friday to retreive her, and I'm very excited about that. I will visit my sis and my niece and nephew. Thankfully my sister was fine with the birthday gift I sent my nephew. It was a gun-thing that shoots little green nerf balls. I saw it and thought- little boy. projectiles. perfect.
But, I digress...without having to worry about a sitter I am growing accustomed to the freedom to go out to dinner! not to rush home after work! spend the day hiking, shopping, hanging out! All of which I did this weekend. Weeeee....
I'm now off to do some walking. I need to become even more dedicated to my walking quest, since now I'm a mere three months away from D-Day, marathon day, the date which will live in infamy....(oh, I also watched a crap-load of the History Channel during this age of freedom) Every time I think of it, the more I want to eat cupcakes. I believe I have a touch of self-sabotage, or of fear, or just a simple desire for cupcakes...perhaps it is that simple. I have been accused of overthinking by some people (hello, you know who you are) But I think it speaks to a larger issue of the difficulty of change. Especially in my line of work, I see a lot of people seemingly hell-bent on destroying themselves. Not in a small way, but in a huge logic-defying way that is addiction. I don't know anymore about why people become addicts than I did before. But what I do know is that addiction tends to be a way of coping with profound brokeness. A way of living life that masks pain, escapes reality, evades responsibility. It becomes a safety net. In a bizarre way, it is normal. We all are hard-wired to crave what seems like safety. Even if "safety" means a self-destructive mode of escape. Luckily, people can and do change...but it is not easy.
In a very small way I feel like the walking the marathon thing is a change for me. I realize that it is a change as I negotiate the decision to walk everyday. Of course, I am the master of a thousand reasons not to do it. Somedays, I succeed in not walking, and somedays I succeed in eating cupcakes (my ratio of success here is quite high!) Many days, I succeed in doing my walk.
I think we all have levels of brokeness, our challenge is filling in the cracks with the right things.
But, I digress...without having to worry about a sitter I am growing accustomed to the freedom to go out to dinner! not to rush home after work! spend the day hiking, shopping, hanging out! All of which I did this weekend. Weeeee....
I'm now off to do some walking. I need to become even more dedicated to my walking quest, since now I'm a mere three months away from D-Day, marathon day, the date which will live in infamy....(oh, I also watched a crap-load of the History Channel during this age of freedom) Every time I think of it, the more I want to eat cupcakes. I believe I have a touch of self-sabotage, or of fear, or just a simple desire for cupcakes...perhaps it is that simple. I have been accused of overthinking by some people (hello, you know who you are) But I think it speaks to a larger issue of the difficulty of change. Especially in my line of work, I see a lot of people seemingly hell-bent on destroying themselves. Not in a small way, but in a huge logic-defying way that is addiction. I don't know anymore about why people become addicts than I did before. But what I do know is that addiction tends to be a way of coping with profound brokeness. A way of living life that masks pain, escapes reality, evades responsibility. It becomes a safety net. In a bizarre way, it is normal. We all are hard-wired to crave what seems like safety. Even if "safety" means a self-destructive mode of escape. Luckily, people can and do change...but it is not easy.
In a very small way I feel like the walking the marathon thing is a change for me. I realize that it is a change as I negotiate the decision to walk everyday. Of course, I am the master of a thousand reasons not to do it. Somedays, I succeed in not walking, and somedays I succeed in eating cupcakes (my ratio of success here is quite high!) Many days, I succeed in doing my walk.
I think we all have levels of brokeness, our challenge is filling in the cracks with the right things.
posted by moegirl at
5:02 PM
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