In bed with "The King"

Despite the salacious title, this post is about a mundane topic: commercials. Commercials that bother me.

1. Morgan Stanley financial advisors: You may have seen these, they've been going on quite a while. Woman frentically cheers at a kid's soccer game - kid's mom? No! naturally, it's the family's Morgan Stanley advisor, who has nothing better to do with her Saturday than to attend her client's kid's soccer game. Also, a misty-eyed toast at a young woman's wedding- Dad? no, financial advisor. Also, your financial advisor gives a long-winded toast at your 5oth birthday party, which looks to be an intimate dinner.

I know the high level of dedication is supposed to inspire confidence, but this isn't working for me. I don't want financial advice from someone who I will have awkward phone calls with, like, "Gee, you know, this Thanksgiving, we are having close family only." Or I may potentially need to take out a restraining order against.

2. Chaser: The product alone is very disturbing- its a pill to combat a major hangover if you get completely hammered. The current one isn't very interesting, its a hockey game theme. But the previous two were quite disturbing. The first one featured a couple. The husband, visibly hung over sitting at a kitchen table, in bops his wife ready for work. He says, with very thinly veiled hostility "Why are you so cheerful?"- The wife in a snarky tone, "I took Chaser" and proceeds line out the benefits of Chaser in a belittling tone of voice to hostile, hungover hubby. I kind of picture the previous night to be full of angry, drunken recriminations between the two, reminescent of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf"- my husband got the same vibe, and we spent time kind of thinking about the whole sordid backstory of this couple- angry fights, drunken dish-breaking screaming matches and hours of fruitless marriage counseling.

The second Chaser spokesperson was a hangdog, sad looking man in his mid-thirties. He also outlined the benefits of Chaser in a depressed manner. One invisions a sad night of drinking alone, drunk-dialing an ex-girlfriend and driving by her home, and weeping curled up on the bathroom floor. I hope he has gone on to better things- given his lonely life, he may be an ideal fit for a career as a Morgan Stanley financial advisor.

3. Burger King's "The King" series - Perhaps the creepiest commercials of all time. If you don't know "The King"- he is a guy dressed up like a king, except with a very disturbing plastic mask for a face. Currently, The King is playing football in classic football matches. Also the King is creeping around the forest giving sandwiches to lumberjacks. In the even more bizarre previous installments of the King's adventures, a man opens a windowshade to see the King standing motionless on his lawn. Or a man opens his door to find the King there standwich in hand. One of the many freakish aspects of the King is that he is mute. The King never tells these shocked people, "Here, enjoy this great whopper with cheese!"

The all time freakfest of the King commercials thus far, is a guy wakes up in bed and there is the King under the covers righ next to him, silently proffering the shocked man a breakfast sandwich. This means the King snuck into this man's home while he was sleeping and slipped into bed with him, waiting for him to wake up to enjoy a breakfast sandwich. No matter how good the King's intentions are, I think this is illegal.

We have discussed the King here at work and all agree there is something quite sinister about the King. Sandwich or not the consensus among my co-workers and I is to run like hell or call the police if ever confronted by the King and his sandwiches at our door, in a football game, in the forest or heaven forbid in our bed!