38

Today, I'm 38. I don't know if I feel like laughing or crying. I think I've spent too much time in the last few days contemplating my squishy stomach, and the most stubborn cellulite on the planet on my upper thighs to be too happy with my physical self. As for the rest of me I feel kinda blahhh.....blahh.....So, what does that mean? What does that portend for my "late thirties" (now that phrase really makes me feel like crying!) Who knows.

Anyway, since I'm feeling non-plussed about this birthday, I will now recall the most awesome birthday I ever had. Turning 12.

I had to pretty much beg my mom to have a sleepover birthday- it was not a happy time, my parents divorce was pretty new, so it all felt sort of unsettled. Anyway, not only did mom allow the birthday party, but as usual she came through like a champ in the treats department. We had pizza, bags of Doritos, bags of Cheetos, 7-Up, Coke, Pepsi, and of course cake. My mom I think always wants to have enough- so when planning to feed say six 12 year old girls, she kind of was ready to feed the US Army. With this I was the envy of my friends- their eyes were quite large at the massive amount of junk that was ours to take down to the basement family room.

Of the many triumphs of the awesome 12th birthday was the guest list. Just to give you some background, I was the dorky, shy, buck-toothed, unattractive, bookish girl. I didn't have many friends, and I was the target of some teasing, but by sixth grade this had mercifully tapered off. Being a Girl Scout kind of earned me some friends from my troop, which had been together through most of grade school- my other saving grace was my best friend Sandi. My mom hated her, because truly she was bossy and more than just a little spoiled by her parents. However, she had earned my undying loyalty in first grade when I was the new girl and the target of the school bully, Heidi (who eventually got her comeuppance when I smacked her in the face with the Holly Hobby lunchpail) but before then- Heidi was a cruel bully- she told other kids not to play with me and if she could find me at recess she pelted me with pinecones. One day after a sustained pinecone assault I was on the swings crying. Sandi came up to me and said "You're the new girl." and I answered yes, wondering if she was one of Heidi's friends and I was in for something more, but she said "Don't cry, you can come with us" so her and a couple friends played with me. She encouraged me to join her Brownie troop- she was my after-school friend. I was so shy I was desperately grateful that she dragged me along to do things with other kids.

Anyway by the time sixth grade rolls around the girls get brutal, there are cliques, puberty sets in. Also in sixth grade there was the most popular girl- Kim S. Kim was truly the rock star of the school. She was very beautiful and looked like Brooke Sheilds, and she was graceful, she was on the basketball team with me and she never looked awkward. She had all the cool clothes, the velour shirts, wide leg jeans, and several pairs of Nike tennis shoes. She had a big blue comb in her back pocket to maintain her perfectly feathered hair. Anyway, boys liked her and everyone talked about her.

I ended up sitting next to her in assigned seating- I supposed she would never talk to me because I wasn't part of her crowd. But, we did have basketball together. Nonetheless I was stunned when Kim passed me a funny note- as it turned out she was nice. Then she said "Hi" to me around her crowd- my status was instantly elevated, such was power of the beautiful Kim S. I don't know if Kim understood that she was a grade school celebrity for as down to earth as she was. I remember telling her I liked how she wrote her "S" she showed me how to write a sort of figure 8 kind of S, which is still part of my signature today.

Anyway, Sandi and I strategized the guest list- most of my Girl Scout group was coming and a few B-Ball friends. I asked Sandi if I should invite Kim S. Her take on it was no, she'd never come because none of my friends were in her "crowd." Sandi thought she would think I was a weirdo for inviting her. But I did it anyway- and she graciously accepted. My friends were abuzz- the rock star Kim S. is hanging out with our crowd.

Anyway, Kim and my other friends came to the party. Lori who was the most outgoing brought a ouiwge (sp?) board and her Michael Jackson's "Off the Wall" album. After gorging ourselves on junk food we danced for awhile to the album- of course Kim was the best dancer. We did each others hair (Farrah Fawcett style feathering) we freaked ourselves out using the ouiwge board and playing "Light as a Feather." We gabbed and laughed well into the morning hours.

Everyone said it was the best party ever. Even the venerable Kim S. talked about how awesome it was at school the next Monday.

I moved away and lost track of all those girls, but that party stands out in my mind as a really great time in a not-so-great year.

Its really fun to see my daughter have slumber parties and remember how really fun they were and how it all kind of ends in Jr. high and High School when you are just too cool to let loose and be goofy like that again.