sullen and crabby

Lately, I've been in a really, really crabby mood. I don't know what it is, burn-out with work, home, and everything combined with insomnia.

The crabbiness and sulleness has made me unusually anti-social. Like cringing at the potential of human interaction. I don't want to talk to anybody, especially people I don't know or people I know only superficially. I want to put myself on a "communications ban" - I've considered faking laryngitis, or temporary and sudden deafness and muteness.

Since that is not a realistic scheme and because my job and volunteer project calls for me to interact all the time its really worn on my nerves.

Anyway, every other payday I treat myself to a new book and a solitary lunch at the mall to get started on the new book. (This month's book is Sara Vowell's "Assasination Vacation") So, I'm walking to the mall. Everyone in Portland is annoyingly cheerful and smiley due to the emerging sunny weather after rainy season. For lunch hour everyone is out looking stoned, but they are not, the first spring sun in Portland works like a drug, everyone's all blissed out over it until August when everyone carps about the unbearable 2 and half weeks of really miserably hot weather.

The relentless cheeriness I see on the streets only makes me crankier. I make it to the mall where the stubby, crewcut wearing, crunchy granola lesbian holding a petition clipboard says to me, "Do you have a few minutes to spare to hear about Oregon's forests?" I breeze past saying, "No, sorry no minutes for Oregon's forests!"

I always, always get stopped by petition people and I generally listen to their spiel, and sometimes I even sign if I agree. Normally, I would spare a few minutes for Oregon's forests. Not today. No, I wanted to shout, "Burn them down, cut them down! There are too many damn trees in this state!" Yes, out with the trees and all that shade, oxygen, animal habitat and natural beauty crap! I'm crabby!

I get in the mall and forget to alter my path to the bookstore and food court to avoid smarmy beauty kiosk man. There is some sort of beauty kiosk near the bookstore. I don't really know what it is because if I stare too long I might draw the attention of its smarmy keeper. He is tall and slender and wears kind of blousy silk shirts with one too many buttons undone. He has sholder length black hair kind of slicked back and he has sort of an Eastern European accent. He beckons women to his kiosk by outstreaching his hand and saying "Come heereee daaahhhling...." and holds women's hands he explains whatever product he is selling at his bright pink kiosk.

I've seen him many times and decided under no circumstances would I get caught in his web. My general strategy is to blend in with the crowd and get as close to the other wall as possible. Today, I'm strolling along and there is no one around! No crowd! I'm alone and exposed to smarmy kiosk man who is moving toward me!! F**k! I picked up my pace considerably. Sensing his prey was making a break for it, smarmy kiosk man pivoted quickly and said "Heeelo daaahhhling..." To which I put up my hand in a stopping motion and said, "Sorry! No! I'm in no way interested in any products" while scurrying quickly into the safety of the bookstore.

Anyway, I'm not fit company for anyone these days, especially crunchy granola petitioners or suave beauty products peddlers.