See me age 20 years instantly!

Okay, so my 20 year high school reunion is tomorrow! The pictures above are my graduation photo, and a recent picture of me. I think I look similar, but now I'm fatter with more wrinkles around the eyes. I look like a puffier, bloated, more wrinkled version of my 18 year old self...charming! Okay, I'm going to stop now. Trying to stay positive here.

Where did the time go? I mean when I was 18, 20 years old, 38 seemed incredibly old! But, here I am and I don't feel incredibly old at all. In fact I feel young, like in my 20s. I feel like I shouldn't be at a 20 year reunion and yet here I am.

I'm going to the reunion with my best high school buddy, G. She sent me her picture and hasn't aged in the slightest, tiniest bit and is slimmer that she was even in high school, and she was a hottie back then, now even more hot. If I didn't like her so much and she didn't have such a kick-ass sense of humor, I'd have to hate her.

Of course, I have committed a few cardinal sins in getting ready for this reunion. I got a hair cut. Not too much hair, its still pretty long, but I wanted some wispy bangs, hoping this would somehow camoflage my fat head. Unfortunately, when I said "wispy bangs" at my eyebrow to the stylist, she apparently heard "chop off a hunk of hair at mid forehead"- fortunately, this was two weeks ago, so enough growth has occured so I don't look like a complete freak. I also added some more blond highlights, which I initially didn't think looked all that good, but I have had a lot of positive feedback on. The other thing is eyebrows. I've had my eyebrows waxed and tinted before because my eyebrow hair has gotten lighter and sparser over time. So I went back for the wax shaping and tint, not really taking into account the fact that my hair is lighter so the eyebrow tint, is how shall we say, "more dramatic" than I would like. Not Groucho Marx or anything, but still....fortunately, a non-permanent tint that fades pretty fast. I just hope people don't look at me and say "Wow, she's huge and what's the deal with her hair and eyebrows?!!"

My saving grace may be the dress. Its pretty cute and is a cut that hides a lot of the bad stuff. I have considered just wearing a burqua and saying I've converted to some radical form of Islam, but have decided to be brave and wear a sleeve-less, cute summer type dress. The shoes are cute too- perhaps they will distract from my face...?!

The thing is also, I don't remember a lot of people from high school. I was involved in a lot of stuff- student government, newspaper, drama and band (yes, I was a goober) but the high school people ended up blending in my mind with the college people. Sometimes I see people I either went to high school or college with and I can't place them. I can't very well go up to them and say "Hey I met you sometime...like high school, college, somewhere between 1982 and 1991..." I think I'm going to fish the yearbooks out of the storage unit tonight and bone up on the old class of '86.

Also, these little landmarks in life make you take stock of your life. Am I a success? I suppose everyone wants to feel like they are in someway, but what's the measuring stick? Is it financial well being? then I am a complete and utter failure....Is it career? I guess okay there- an 11 year career in non-profit public relations where I've made some upward moves....Is it your family? that's a mixed bag- I was a "single mom" for a long time. I think these days its not as big a deal, but when you are a "single mom" people sure do treat you differently and make a lot of assumptions about you. But, I think I am a pretty good mom, and now I've been a married mom for quite a while. Is it physical beauty? well, uh, yea, moving on....Educational attainment? Okay, college degree and some grad school. So, I can't answer that question. I think when you are 18 years old you probably do imagine an end point of "success" whatever that may look like for you. Back then I thought I would be either a journalist or a teacher and I'd get married and have kids. Then, I would turn 30 and just be old for the rest of my life. Seriously! that's what I thought!

So, it will be fun to go. I wonder how I will feel about the whole success questions after seeing my classmates. A tiny part of me fears I will feel like the biggest loser ever, and everyone will look fabulous, have a lot of money, and wildly successful careers & there I will be with my haircut and odd eyebrows. But, then I think even if everyone is more fabulous than me, I will still go back to a job I find fulfilling, my insanely great daughter, my husband will still make me laugh everyday, and I will still be me.

So, in my last bit of preparation, I'm having a pedicure for my open toed shoes. That can't be screwed up right?