Sloth-o-matic for the people

I think I need a vacation from my vacation. I'm tired, I'm very slothy....I have no energy. I don't know why- its very puzzling.

The lack of energy has caused me to lay on the couch and watch some very bad TV. Very bad. Like VH1's "Paris Hilton's Most Shocking Moments!"- which I have to admit weren't very shocking...she's a dimwit heiress who goes to parties, has a sex tape on the internet, and says "that's hot" a lot. A lot of the show revolved around this- Her vacant, vacuous stare as she strides around in campy, slutty dresses often accompanied by a tiny dog. She goes to parties. She does and says stupid things. What would be "shocking" to me about Paris would be if she were able to string together a few coherent sentences, or if she wore modest clothing, or if she took a college course, or if she spent her money on something besides herself.

Realizing there was no shock value to the Paris Hilton show, I stopped off at the "Lifetime" channel. My husband calls it the "man hater" channel because all the men in Lifetime movies are cheating cads, insensitive jerks, abusive or rapists. He does have a point- the usual Lifetime formula consists of Meredith Baxter Birney, Melissa Gilbert or Valerie Bertinelli coping with the fall out of their marriage to insensitive jerk/cheating cad or valiantly chasing down their rapist (or daughter's rapist) after getting no help from the insensitive jerk cops.

Allie and I have a little game based on the Lifetime channel. In addition the men aren't any good story lines they have a fair amount of tormented mother/daughter relationship shows, the bad men are rolled into this as the mother is trying to save the daughter the heartbreak of being involved with jerk/cad/abuser. They are always beyond dramatic. These mothers/daughters never speak to each other in a normal tone of voice its always a dramatic, overwrought, accusatory dialogues.

So Allie and I pretend to be "Lifetime Mom" and "Lifetime daughter" as we do our errands- it always adds some fun to add some drama to the mundane. As "Lifetime Mom"- I'm a dramatic martyr- "Can't you please shut the car door- I ask so little of you...I'm only thinking of your future" Allie responds in an angry accusing fashion "No! you are only thinking about your future! You want the car door closed! Its all about what you want, never what I want!"

This goes on until we can't help ourselves cracking up laughing. Its so easy to do. Mom just adopts the persona of put upon martyr, and daughter is oppositional and angry. You can apply it in any situation. Sometimes we will be driving along and Allie will say, "Hey mom lets pretend to be Lifetime mom and Lifetime daughter." and I'm usually saying, "Okay, cool!"

Anyway, I've watched a little Lifetime TV so I can have some new material ready for when Allie gets back from Canada.

In the meantime, I'm like a noodle sprawled on the couch. Kitty seems to like it though, I do have enough energy to pet him, and he can perch on my chest or stomach and watch Paris Hilton or the Lifetime channel.