Happy Birthday Grandma

Yesterday, my Grandma would have been 87. She would have hated me sharing that- she kept her age confidential, since she could easily pass for a woman 10 to 15 years younger up until she passed away in 2004.

As you can see from the photo, circa 1940, she was a stunner. She had porclein white skin, dark brown hair, light blue twinkling eyes. Additionally, she had what was called in her era "great gams" and dangerous curves. She also loved clothes and jewelry. In later years, her brothers used to share stories of how she literally stopped traffic in downtown Portland. She was a Portland native- she operated an elevator at the downtown Meier & Frank while attending business school.

Heartbreak came early in her life- her adored mother died when grandma was only 8. My grandmother was playing in the front yard and watched her mother crossing the street after visiting a neighbor, her mother collapsed in the street in front of her and died. Grandma was taken to a neighbor's house and she was on the porch crying when her father came walking up the street from work- seeing her he asked her what was wrong, my grandma said she couldn't tell him. My grandma told me this story when she herself was a few days away from dying. She said she would never forget the look on her father's face. She said she never stopped missing her mother after all those years and she said, "I know I will see Mother again."

This is such a sad story, but my Grandma is one of the least sad people I have ever known. Most of her childhood was happy-- she loved her brothers, and her Dad- a wonderful Irishman- who said no way to people who told him to give his young children away after his wife's death. Grandma loved life- she loved high school, she loved working, and she loved her family and loved to cook.

She and I were unusually close. I spent a lot of time with her and grandpa when I was a little girl and those are my happiest memories. She had a lot of atypical things happen to her for a woman of her generation.

After her mother died, her father had her mother's Aunt Maude come from Wisconsin to look after grandma and her brothers. Great Aunt Maude was spoke of by grandma with affection and humor. Aunt Maude was old-school, everything was ship shape and the kids lined up after breakfast for their tablespoon of cod liver oil.

Grandma married in her early twenties, and had a baby girl (aka my mom!) but the marriage wasn't a happy one due to her husband's anger and alcoholism. Being a well brought up Irish Catholic girl in the 1940s, she did everything to make it work, but it wouldn't. In later years, grandma forbade us from ever speaking of this time in her life. I'm sure it was incredibly painful. Grandma with a daughter to support, during the war worked in the Kaiser ship yards and rode a bike carrying plans to various offices. She of course was worried about her adored brothers all in the service. Especially, Uncle Jim, the youngest (Grandma called him "my Jimmy") he was 17 and joined the Marines and served in the South Pacific. He was missing for a time. This is the way my Grandma recalled the war years to me, "Everyone speaks of it now like some great time, but we didn't know if we would win the war, I didn't know if I would see my brothers again."

Happily, she saw all of her brothers again after the war- her beloved "Jimmy" was close to her until the time of his death in 2000, he died suddenly driving to see his brother Dan, who was dying of cancer in Southern Oregon. I believe losing Uncle Jim and Uncle Dan so close sped my Grandma's decline. Uncle Jim was great, he taught in Junior High and coached basketball. Once I played against the team he coached he came and gave me a huge hug after the game (my team lost) he had the same wonderful eyes and kind personality that my Grandma had.

After the war my grandma became a real estate agent in Portland. She sold houses for a time and then started her own agency. Things were looking up in her pesonal life too- she met a very nice fellow, an army vet 17 years her senior. He had his own commercial fishing boat on the Columbia river. That was my Grandpa. In contrast to her first marriage, this one was peaceful and long lasting. My mom was 6 years old when they married.

Grandma kept her agency and kept working after she married. She loved it. She also continued her love for fashion, she said, "Everytime I had a really big sale, I rewarded myself with a new suit, and gorgeous new high heels from Nordstrom's of course." When I was little I used to tromp around the house in Grandma's heels and hid in her closet where she kept some her prized outfits from the 1950s. I used to open her jewelry box and spread all the necklaces, bracelets and pins out on the bed.

She got out of the real estate business when she was in her early 40s. She and Grandpa had retired by the time I came on the scene. They lavished me with attention, cookies, stories, and time.

In honor of her birthday I share the top 5 things learned from Grandma:

1. God and prayer- Grandma was very religious in a non-pushy kind of way. She always reminded me of God's presence and that God was love. She read children's bible stories to us when we were little and had us pray with her. She always made it seem wonderful and natural.

2. Information is power. Grandma was a great collector of information. She liked to read and find out about things. She used to clip articles from the paper and send them along, usually about health, finances or housekeeping. It seemed she knew everything! She used to hand write notes of advice on the margins of her articles. When she died when found file folders of articles on things in her desk. She was meticulously organized.

3. Vote Democrat. Grandma was a New Deal Democrat- before she died she shared a wonderful story about Franklin Roosevelt's campaign stop in Portland in 1936- he rode in an open car up Powell Blvd. Grandma in High School at the time, said "We ran the whole way up Powell Blvd. cheering him and watching him wave to the crowd- he had a tremendous smile. It was a thrill." When she cleaned house she sang FDR's campaign song, "Happy Days are Here Again" - I used to sing it with her- I'm sure I was the only kindergartener who knew that song all the way through. When I was little I was confused about Nixon because my Grandma said "He's the devil." She used to refer to Ronald Reagan as "that Reagan" and "second rate movie actor" - It was George W. Bush that drew her harshest ire- when I asked her what she thought she said, "Sweetheart, I'm over 80, I've seen a lot. This fellow is the worst president ever. Nixon looks like a piker in comparison. He's an idiot." Then she would get so angry she would literally sputter and say, "I can't talk about that man anymore."

4. Never underestimate the power of a good bra. Grandma was pretty obsessive about what she called "foundation garments" - she insisted on getting bras for me and having them fitted. "Sweetheart, a great bra can make or break a woman's figure no matter what your size." She was very interested in the latest bra innovations and pluses and minuses. Really. Its weird, but true. I think its why I can never find a good bra. My standards are impossibly high.

5. All you need is love. Its a title of a Beatle's song I love, but I think it was what she was about. She was just very loving to her family, to her pets, everything. Up until her health took a toll in her final years, she loved life- she was engaged. Aside from a few select jerks, she never said a bad word or angry word about or to anyone. She poured love into everyone around her.

So, that's Grandma. It was hard when she died, but she was ready to go. I miss her a lot. But, I believe that because I hang on to her, she still hangs on to me. I know she's in a good place now and I feel she knows what we're up to, that's she's rooting for us, and as she was in life, an angel with wisdom and love.