Soak up the sun....

Yay! Leaving tomorrow for a week in Sunriver. Plans are: Soak up the sun by the pool, resume walking in a serious fashion to train to walk the Portland Marathon again, bike around with Allie, and have fun with my sisters.

I probably won't get tan, because I'm merely one step above albino with my white, white skin, but I do freckle. When I was little I hoped the mass of freckles would merge together to form a tan....but alas.

A whole week off....yay, yay, YAY!

My Reunion date: Ex-con lumberjack that I met at Orange Julius

Sooo....the big reunion night arrived. It was about 105 degrees (not even exaggerating!) So, my grand plan of beauty really didn't work, since my make up would melt off my face and my hair was quite droopy.

J. and I picked up my high school best buddy G. She, of course, looks nothing short of stunning. Thin, blond, great figure! Anyway, very nice to see her and her folks who were like a second set of parents to me, and I saw her brother, who I have not seen since I babysat for him when he was four and I took him to "Hamburger King"- which was his name for Burger King. He's now 23.

Riding to the Reunion with G. made me remember why high school was fun...because she was fun and we had so much fun together just laughing about things.

The reunion itself was very surreal. I don't know any other way to describe it. A room full of people you feel like you knew in another lifetime, before you became "you." Also, people that you don't have a heck of a lot in common with except you went to the same high school years ago. Also, all my female classmates look great, some even better than high school. The years have not been a friend to the men! Not lookin' so good. Even some of the guys who were really hot in high school looked old.

Anyway, J. made what might have been a vaguely uncomfortable and surreal evening hilarious.

A lot of the reunion was strained chit-chat and small talk. Early in the evening, J. and I are standing in a semi-circle with some other couples. Someone asks J. "What do you do for a living?"

And J., smiling, says "Oh, I'm a lumberjack" (no really he works at a healthcare software company)

Everyone smiles and nods, and says, "Wow" I can barely stifle a laugh. As I mix and mingle, J. has an opportunity to tell more tales. One story is a heartbreaker- J. "is trying to put his life together after a prison stay"...he met me as I was doing Christian ministry work in the prison and helped him turn his life around.

You see, to add more humiliation to the proceedings, we were all given name tags with our high school yearbook photo on it. Our spouses also have our pictures on it. So, I'm sure he had some people ask how he met me, and so forth.

Anyway, I reconnected with T. a guy I had a mad, mad crush on in high school, but he never asked me out. I secretly hope he burns with regret over this decision. He tells me he's "googled" me and knows what I'm up to. Old habits die hard and I flirtatiously ask what he's doing. He laughs, because back in high school we knew each other well- we co-edited the high school paper and we alternately flirted or ripped on each other- a kind of junior version of "Cheers" Sam and Diane. So, we have a nice long chat about our jobs, our lives, and we show each other photos of our adorable children and just overall a really a nice conversation. At the end he says, "So, is it true you met your husband at Orange Julius at the mall?"

Of course I say NO- and I let him know that J. is not 26 either! (he's 33, which of course he makes a huge deal about being the "younger man")

Apparently, when I'm not leading convicts to Jesus, I'm trolling the mall for younger men. That's J.'s other story of how we met.

The more I have to drink the more hilarious I find my husband's winding up classmates I barely knew and will probably never see again (unless I go to the 30 year reunion- which is unlikely, my curiousity about these people is satisfied) One other story he told some guy I didn't know in high school in the elevator is that he is a retired pornography producer who has "left that kind of life behind." J. told T. (high school crush) this story and both were dying with laughter.

It was nice to spend some time with G. (who had a great time,) and as they should- people complimented her on how awesome she looked. And, J.B. a friend from Drama class and a "just friends" but excellent prom date sat with us and it was really great catching up with him. It was nice to see that people who were good kids in high school went on to have nice lives.

In the midst of all this a lot of my insecurities kind of dissipated. I think I have a few hang ups about how I look all the time and the reunion thing just made it flare up more intensely for a while. I was re-assured not to feel any pressure really in the whole "success" thing.

It was just a fun, surreal evening with the lovely G. and my ex-con, ex-porn producing, lumberjack that I met at the Orange Julius.

See me age 20 years instantly!

Okay, so my 20 year high school reunion is tomorrow! The pictures above are my graduation photo, and a recent picture of me. I think I look similar, but now I'm fatter with more wrinkles around the eyes. I look like a puffier, bloated, more wrinkled version of my 18 year old self...charming! Okay, I'm going to stop now. Trying to stay positive here.

Where did the time go? I mean when I was 18, 20 years old, 38 seemed incredibly old! But, here I am and I don't feel incredibly old at all. In fact I feel young, like in my 20s. I feel like I shouldn't be at a 20 year reunion and yet here I am.

I'm going to the reunion with my best high school buddy, G. She sent me her picture and hasn't aged in the slightest, tiniest bit and is slimmer that she was even in high school, and she was a hottie back then, now even more hot. If I didn't like her so much and she didn't have such a kick-ass sense of humor, I'd have to hate her.

Of course, I have committed a few cardinal sins in getting ready for this reunion. I got a hair cut. Not too much hair, its still pretty long, but I wanted some wispy bangs, hoping this would somehow camoflage my fat head. Unfortunately, when I said "wispy bangs" at my eyebrow to the stylist, she apparently heard "chop off a hunk of hair at mid forehead"- fortunately, this was two weeks ago, so enough growth has occured so I don't look like a complete freak. I also added some more blond highlights, which I initially didn't think looked all that good, but I have had a lot of positive feedback on. The other thing is eyebrows. I've had my eyebrows waxed and tinted before because my eyebrow hair has gotten lighter and sparser over time. So I went back for the wax shaping and tint, not really taking into account the fact that my hair is lighter so the eyebrow tint, is how shall we say, "more dramatic" than I would like. Not Groucho Marx or anything, but still....fortunately, a non-permanent tint that fades pretty fast. I just hope people don't look at me and say "Wow, she's huge and what's the deal with her hair and eyebrows?!!"

My saving grace may be the dress. Its pretty cute and is a cut that hides a lot of the bad stuff. I have considered just wearing a burqua and saying I've converted to some radical form of Islam, but have decided to be brave and wear a sleeve-less, cute summer type dress. The shoes are cute too- perhaps they will distract from my face...?!

The thing is also, I don't remember a lot of people from high school. I was involved in a lot of stuff- student government, newspaper, drama and band (yes, I was a goober) but the high school people ended up blending in my mind with the college people. Sometimes I see people I either went to high school or college with and I can't place them. I can't very well go up to them and say "Hey I met you sometime...like high school, college, somewhere between 1982 and 1991..." I think I'm going to fish the yearbooks out of the storage unit tonight and bone up on the old class of '86.

Also, these little landmarks in life make you take stock of your life. Am I a success? I suppose everyone wants to feel like they are in someway, but what's the measuring stick? Is it financial well being? then I am a complete and utter failure....Is it career? I guess okay there- an 11 year career in non-profit public relations where I've made some upward moves....Is it your family? that's a mixed bag- I was a "single mom" for a long time. I think these days its not as big a deal, but when you are a "single mom" people sure do treat you differently and make a lot of assumptions about you. But, I think I am a pretty good mom, and now I've been a married mom for quite a while. Is it physical beauty? well, uh, yea, moving on....Educational attainment? Okay, college degree and some grad school. So, I can't answer that question. I think when you are 18 years old you probably do imagine an end point of "success" whatever that may look like for you. Back then I thought I would be either a journalist or a teacher and I'd get married and have kids. Then, I would turn 30 and just be old for the rest of my life. Seriously! that's what I thought!

So, it will be fun to go. I wonder how I will feel about the whole success questions after seeing my classmates. A tiny part of me fears I will feel like the biggest loser ever, and everyone will look fabulous, have a lot of money, and wildly successful careers & there I will be with my haircut and odd eyebrows. But, then I think even if everyone is more fabulous than me, I will still go back to a job I find fulfilling, my insanely great daughter, my husband will still make me laugh everyday, and I will still be me.

So, in my last bit of preparation, I'm having a pedicure for my open toed shoes. That can't be screwed up right?

The Princess returns

Allie is back! She was in Bend for 10 days for a visit with one of her favorite aunties (other sister- I said, "one" of her favorites. She loves you equally!) and two cousins. Both boys are into biking, so Allie did a lot of biking, even scraping a her knees and a few blisters on her hands.

I think she got taller in that time. Certainly even more beautiful. My sister said maybe Jimmy, one of her cousin's friends was a little sweet on Allie. When, questioned, Allie said "Eh" and shrugged her shoulders. I feel there will be many a boy with a broken heart over Allie. She's very picky and I think that's very good, but she's also very to the point with these boys. There have already been several casualties.

First there was Kyle. Poor, sweet Kyle. This was when Allie was in 4th grade. We were at the Fred Meyer and we passed a cute boy in a karate outfit who turned a little red and shyly said "Hi Allie."

As we rounded the corner I heard the boy's mother say, "Oh, so that's Allie!"

Allie said, "Oh, that's Kyle-- some boy in my class."

Later, Allie was sick with the flu for a week. And there was a knock on the door. It was Kyle, who brought Allie's homework to her and said, "I hope she gets better soon."

Allie's reaction to Kyle was "Eh" and a shrug of the shoulders. Despite a stellar effort on Kyle's part, she just wasn't interested.

In 5th grade there was Carlos. Allie's friends let her know Carlos was interested, liked her. However, Allie said Carlos had bad manners and was not a good tetherball player, which clearly knocked him out of contention.

I'm actually really glad that her standard reaction to boys is still the shrug of the shoulders and "Eh" (which she actually does- its pretty comical to see) Since she is starting Junior high next year, the shoulder shrugging may stop.

80's playlist

Most of the time I listen to NPR in the car- I would say, 80% of the time. I sometimes listen to other radio, and sometimes I create my own playlists- usually thematic. Sometimes its "an all Coldplay weekend!" or a "tribute to U2's early years!"

Perhaps because my 20 year class reunion is coming up in 2 weeks, I put together an "All 80s playlist!" that I've been listening to for the past week.

Here it is:

The Clash: "Should I stay or should I go" "London Calling" "Rock the Casbah"

Til Tuesday: "Voices Carry" "Coming Up Close"

Roxy Music: "Slave to Love" "More than This"

The Police: "Every little thing she does is magic" "Don't Stand" "Syncronisity"

Tears for Fears: "Sowing the Seeds of Love" "Woman in Chains"

The Motels: "Suddenly Last Summer"

Pet Shop Boys: "West End Girls"

Kajagoogoo: "Too Shy"

Spandau Ballet: "True"

Depche Mode: "Policy of Truth"

The Cure: "Love Song"

The Fixx: "One thing Leads to Another"

Prince: "Little Red Corvette"

Madonna: "Borderline"

Ah, very 80s indeed!

I like Ike

Maybe because Bush is so bad, every Republican is looking so much better in retrospect, but with President Eisenhower, I don't think that's the case. He obviously was a good man, who gave a lot to his country, plus he was the lead guy in kicking Hitler's ass, so he is one of the central positive figures in 20th century American history. Eisenhower as President did some things I disagree with, but on the whole a decent guy.

I did last night, though, come to see another positive attribute of the many Eisenhower possessed. His ability to see the forces of the future. His 1961 farewell address proved particularily prescient. It was Ike who coined the phrase "Military Industrial complex" and as a very interesting documentary, "Why We Fight" spelled out, pretty much what Ike warned against has come to pass. Using Ike's farewell address as a centerpiece, the documentary shows how American foreign policy has evolved since the early '60s. The documentarians used the larger picture of major foreign policy events and interwove personal stories, interviews with participants in major historical events, and a "regular citizen" who lost a son on 9/11. Like many casual observers of current events he thought that the Iraq war was connected to 9/11- when he discovers otherwise his anger and rage is almost palpable....his story is fascinating, sad, and ultimately telling about where we are today.

You don't have to have a lot of history knowledge to get the film, everything is pretty well spelled out. The last part of the film focuses quite a bit on Iraq, and while not being shrill and overtly partisan lays out the case that the WMD argument was trumped up, and the conflating of 9/11 and Iraq was an intentional deception by the Bush Administration. You will see the footage of Donald Rumsfeld yucking it up with Saddam Hussein in some ornate drawing room when we sold the Saddam weapons back in the 70s and 80s. Plus, a whole lot of people in the know will confirm what many people are finally beginning to see.

Other participants include Eisenhower's descendants who talk about their Dad's frame of mind. His son John's resemblence to his father is so striking its almost as if Ike himself is speaking (aside: John Eisenhower also wrote a really great book about Americans in World War I called "Yanks" if you're interested in that kind of thing, I recommend it) John reads from a speech where Ike talks about how many schools could be build, how we could house the homeless, end poverty if some of the money used for the military were used on crazy stuff like schools, increasing opportunity, etc. One should not leave with the impression that Eisenhower was some sort of crazy peacenik utopian. That he was not- he was a serious Cold Warrior - he wanted America to meet and beat the challenge of Communism and that meant being militarily prepared. But, I think too, as someone who saw two major wars close up and saw death and destruction that war brings- knew that peace was better, and attaining peace was a goal worth strving for.

What I appreciated about Eisenhower, and what I appreciate about many of the great Presidents throughout history is their serious devotion to ideals of America and their hard work and real dedication to them with humility. Eisenhower was a serious man, but yet he came across with humility and said that the honor was his to serve his country. If anyone had earned the right to be arrogant, had evidence that the country should be honored that he served it was Eisenhower! I find this in complete contrast to our current President, whom I regard as an unserious, arrogant person who has no right to be arrogant...what has he done? Wandered around in a drunken stupor until age 40 when he grabbed Daddy's rolodex and decided to go into politics? His service to his country? Oh, I'm sorry I fail to be impressed by his spirited defense of Houston, Texas against the VietCong at the height of the Vietnam War. That he weasled into the Texas Air National Guard because Daddy greased the skids...I'm sorry I don't think there is anything impressive about a man who has had everything handed to him since day one because he was born into wealth and privledge...and I'm most sorry of all that this pampered, preening frat boy is now running our country, sending not so privledged kids off to fight and die in this war. (gee, I haven't written a Bush screed in a long while. Feels good.)

Anyway, rent the documentary if you get the chance- called "Why We Fight"- especially recommend it to friends who are Bush supporters or friends who aren't engaged in current events.

I wonder what Ike would think if he wandered into the 2004 Republican National Convention...he probably wouldn't recognize his Grand Old Party....with his ideas, he would probably be ejected from the building.